


Coming to Terms

by stupefied



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-20 00:29:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7383676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupefied/pseuds/stupefied
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Aaron told Robert that he hated him, Robert left the village. They meet again after several years. </p><p>AU. The story is canon (more or less) until 16th November 2015. Robert left very soon after. With Robert gone, it was Chas who supported Aaron through the trial, and it was the police who found Sandra and Liv.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Unexpectedly Bitter Reunion

Aaron hated big parties, especially the posh kind, but he promised his boyfriend and their friends that he’d come. So he dutifully got dressed up in a suit, and Chris was now ushering him through a door, into a flat on top of a residential building in Leeds. It was filled with people, all well dressed, and Aaron felt a bit out of sorts. Chris pushed a bottle of lager into his hands, and he took a couple of swigs. Soon enough, he started to relax.

“Thanks for doing this,” Chris whispered close to his ear. “I’ll make it up to you later,” he added seductively.

Aaron just rolled his eyes. He wouldn’t admit it, but it really isn’t that bad when his social butterfly of a boyfriend dragged him to a large gathering. He was anonymous here. City folk were more respectful of privacy, and more attuned to body language. They left him alone, for the most part, without the lingering stares of village folk. He can move around, share nods and brief smiles, and even engage in small talk without the burden of known history or the expectation of meaningful conversation. He had moved to Leeds two months ago to be with Chris, after they had endured eight months of a long distance relationship. His Mum was not happy to see him leave, but he figured that he needed to get out of the Woolpack before he turned 30. Besides, it’s not as if he’s on the other side of the planet and he sees her often enough – Leeds wasn’t that far of a drive from Emmerdale village and he was still partners with Adam, except now they had bought out the haulage firm and expanded the business. With Vic and Adam now expecting their second child, Aaron took on the responsibility of coordinating their different branches, and since it involved quite a bit of traveling, it didn’t matter much where he was based. 

“Have you spotted Em or Todd?” asked Chris, looking around at the mass of people. Emma and Todd were Chris’ friends, and this was their flat. They’re a career power couple, no children, who made a name for themselves among the locals by regularly hosting popular parties for the business crowd. Chris has known them for a long time, and Aaron initially suspected that they’re not as close friends as he claimed, until the three of them showed up in the village last summer and dragged him to a very enjoyable week long road trip. Emma was bubbly and full of life, almost a younger version of Hazel. It was hard to believe she was supposed to be a vicious defense attorney. Todd was a banker, and, perhaps appropriately so, was a bit more reserved. Even though they were obviously rich, they had none of the attitude and Aaron took to them quickly and was sorry to say goodbye at the end of the week.

“Can’t wait till you move to Leeds! You’ll love our parties!” Em had said. So now, here he was, looking for a sign of the couple hosting the party but not finding any. 

“Not sure we’ll find them in this lot,” Aaron said. He had to repeat himself over the rumble of a dozen conversations, moving his mouth closer to Chris’ ear.

“Just listen for Em’s distinctive voice,” Chris said mimicking her lilt, and Aaron laughed.

Their search was interrupted in about a few seconds, when another guest descended on Chris. Aaron forgot his name within a half-hour, and after he’s been introduced to several others without having moved two metres, he decided that he was not much for small talk, after all. He started eyeing the sliding door at the other side of the room. When he saw a glimpse of the patio, he made excuses, grabbed a beer from a passing waiter, and made a beeline for the outside. He welcomed the cool air and muffled silence with an upturned face, and then walked over to the railing. His eyes were still adjusting to the absence of the bright lights of the flat behind him, but he could already tell it was a beautiful view of the city.

“Aaaroon!!” 

The drunken yell reached him as he was about to lean over the railing, and as he turned he was briefly smothered in Emma’s hair, her having wrapped both ample arms around his neck.

“Hey, Em!” he hugged back, turning his head to the side. He saw a grinning Todd raise a wineglass in his direction, from where he was standing with a small group of people, three men and two women. Aaron tilted his bottle in response, although with the awkward angle and Emma’s rocking back and forth he almost spilled the beer.

“Glad you made it!” Emma said in a sing-song voice as she stepped back. She immediately grabbed his hand and started dragging him to the group, now looking in their direction. He rolled his eyes in mock resignation and Todd laughed, stepping forward to give him a one armed hug.

“Everyone, let me introduce Aaron Dingle,” Emma said dramatically. “And I know he’s uber hot, Charlie," she said to one of the men, much to Aaron's chagrin, "especially in that suit" - she looks him up and down - "but he’s not available.” Aaron shook hands with the lot of them, managing a genuine enough smile.

Until he turned to the man on his left.

“Robert.”

“Hi, Aaron.”

***

They managed to wing an explanation after the initial surprise, Robert smoothing over Aaron’s stammering, telling Emma and Todd that they “knew each other from the village.” Their eyes caught at that, and they both smiled at the private joke, which Aaron immediately regretted when he saw the obvious curiosity on Em’s face.

“You never said you’re from Emmerdale village.” Em said to Robert. 

“We were there last year!” Todd added.

“Haven’t had the opportunity to bring it up, until now,” Robert replied, and Aaron noted that his voice was smooth as ever. “So, you may have met my sister, Vic?”

“Oh, so the lovely Vic was your sister?” Em asked. “She worked the local pub with your Mum, didn’t she, Aaron,” she added, placing a hand on his arm. “And married to your best mate!” 

“Er… yes,” Aaron replied, as he wondered how they were going to get off this topic. Em is really sharp, and he didn’t want her to get even an inkling of just what kind of history he had with Robert. She has good memory, evidenced by her remembering Vic and Adam even though they were only at Emmerdale for an hour at most, picking up and dropping him off during their road trip. Aaron got to know her pretty well on that vacation, and he learned that she was very protective of Chris. Kind of like his Mum, really. And so he was wary of the fact that Em kept looking at him and Robert, back and forth, probably wondering if there was more to them than they were letting on. He wondered if Robert was still in the closet, and almost smiled at the thought of Robert trying to wheedle his way out of getting found out. He’ll have to be careful, then. He was not going to repeat the mistake of outing someone without their consent.

“Last time Vic mentioned, you were in Manchester,” he said to Robert, keeping his voice even. “Are you visiting Leeds, then?”

“Robert moved here a couple of months ago,” Todd answered for him, “our firm managed to snag him.” Aaron could only nod. Funny, that. They moved here about the same time. And Vic never mentioned. He wasn’t really sure what to think of it. Their eyes met again, and he quickly looked away.

“You were quite a steal for the company, Rob,” Todd said. Robert gave a self-satisfied smirk, and Aaron instinctively rolled his eyes, which he ended up covering quickly with a smile, seeing Em watching him. He was getting agitated, trying to come up with something neutral to say.

“Well, er… it’s good to see you,” Aaron managed. “We should catch up.”

“Yeah,” Robert agreed, a lot more happily than Aaron would have expected. “I’d love that.”

“So, what exactly is it that you do, Aaron?” the man named Charlie asked, in a jokingly flirtatious tone that made everyone laugh. Everyone, that is, except Robert, which Aaron noticed. He quickly decided not to make anything of it, and started telling them about his business with Adam, answering follow up questions, trying to keep his answers short. Robert, however, kept asking for details about this and that, making Aaron hesitant, until he figured Robert’s questioning would be interpreted by the others to be nothing more than normal curiosity about an old acquaintance, or perhaps Robert’s natural interest in anything financial. He was definitely not going to mention their past – even Chris knew little about it. It was the past, and that’s where it belonged. So, he did not mention that Robert was their initial investor (and neither did Robert, for which he was thankful), or that he bought him out when Aaron made it clear he wanted nothing to do with Robert, or that a couple of weeks after that Robert left the village. 

Aaron breathed easier when they moved on to another topic, but he was only half listening. He nodded along to the conversation, studying Robert while trying not to be obvious about it. He seemed… different. The man sure still looked good, if the woman standing beside him not so subtly trying to get his attention was any indication. But this Robert didn’t quite hold himself the same way as before. The arrogant smirk that he thought he saw earlier was really more of a genuine smile. He was still charming, but in a more honest way. The others in the group, who all turned out to be Robert's work colleagues, seemed to genuinely like him.

For his own part, Aaron was pleased with himself that seeing Robert again – after the initial shock – elicited nothing stronger than a tiny twinge in his chest. Plus, it was amusing to see Robert put the woman off, although he had to tell himself not to think much of it. Still, talking about the scrap yard, with Robert here, brought a lot of memories. He had a foggy visual of the last time he saw him, Robert driving away from the village, their eyes locking for a long moment. Before that, he had kept their interactions to a minimum, even roping Adam into working out the details of the scrap yard buy out, with money that he borrowed from his Mum. His clearest memory was of their last conversation – if it can even be called that.

_I hate you! And nothing you do can ever change that!_

That hate is gone, now. There were still some lingering issues, yes, hence the twinge, but he’s found his peace. Maybe, this unexpected meeting was a chance to finally get closure. To completely wrap up that chapter of his life. He wanted to talk to him, alone. And it seemed that Robert wanted the same, for he kept glancing at him. Their eyes caught each other a couple of times, and there was a moment when Aaron thought he saw… no, he really shouldn’t assume that he still knew this man. But there were certainly some things that he would like to say, and he was just about to ask for a private word when Robert spoke up.

“Mate,” Robert said, nodding at the bottle he just emptied, “shall we get another round, and have a word?” It was clearly an invitation for him alone, and Aaron could feel Em’s gaze at him.

“Sure,” he said, trying to keep it casual. “I’d like to hear more about what you’ve been up to.” He avoided looking at Em, guessing that she’s already working it out. He’ll have to deal with that later.

They excused themselves, Aaron impulsively winking at Em and mouthing a “talk to you in a bit” in appeasement. Robert flagged a server nearby and grabbed two drinks from her tray.

***

They moved to a quieter corner of the patio, and Aaron leaned over the railing and looked out over the city.

“Do you mind if I smoke,” Robert asked.

A bit surprised, Aaron watched Robert’s hand dip into a pocket, pull out a pack of cigarettes, and pause for his permission.

“No… no, I don’t,” Aaron replied, shaking his head, briefly debating with himself if he should ask for a stick. He looked back at the skyline as Robert lit up.

“So…” Robert said, “this Chris. You moved here for him?” 

“You can say that,” Aaron said. “Although mostly it was wanting to be away from my Mum.” He smirked at Robert’s brief laugh and eye roll. He caught himself thinking, though, that he was only assuming Robert wasn’t being malicious. He reminded himself not to assume he still knew the man.

“You haven’t met Chris, then?”

“No… but Todd’s mentioned him. I gather they’re good friends? I think I’ve seen him pick up Todd for lunch.”

“He works across the street,” Aaron said. “They’ve been friends since they were lads.”

“Like you and Adam.”

Aaron nodded, and they were quiet for a while. He noticed Robert trying to keep the smoke away from him.

“Did they know you were moving here?” Aaron asked.

“Yes, I mentioned it to Vic,” Robert answered. “She would have told you if you asked.”

“Yes, well. I did tell her before not to say anything about you,” Aaron admitted. “You knew about that, didn’t you?”

“She’s been a good sister to me, Aaron,” Robert said. “I ask her about you, from time to time. You don’t mind, do you?”

“Not really, no,” Aaron said, but then looked at Robert in suspicion. “You can’t possibly be here just because you knew I moved to Leeds, can you?”

Robert laughed. “No,” he said, “I can honestly say that it’s all a coincidence that we both moved here at about the same time.”

Aaron made a skeptical face, squinting his eyes. But he believed Robert was being honest.

"Actually, Vic only knew I was thinking of moving here, not that I already did."

“Why not?”

“Well, seeing as I haven’t been back to the village in six years…”

“You should go visit. Vic will be happy to see you. And Diane’s getting on.”

“I’ve been thinking about it, believe me.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“I think we both know what that is,” Robert said as he finished his cigarette. He carefully snuffed it out with a drop of beer, walked to a bin nearby and dropped it in. It was a considerate act, not something he expected. 

It made it easier to say what he wanted to say.

“I don’t hate you, Robert. In fact, I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Robert asked, slack-jawed in surprise. 

“For… for pushing you. Forcing you to come out. I shouldn’t have done that. You lost everything you’ve worked for because of me. It wasn’t…” Aaron stopped at the sight of teardrops in Robert’s wide eyes. 

“Well, that got serious pretty fast,” Aaron said, trying to diffuse the situation. Robert let out a small laugh, briefly looked around self-consciously. Aaron leaned over the railing and looked away to give him space to compose himself.

“I never expected that,” Robert said, placing his elbows on the railing beside him, close, but not touching. “I don’t know what to say,” he added, voice soft.

“Look, I’m not taking all the blame, mate,” Aaron explained. “But I did my part. We made a mess of everything.”

“But I’m really the one who should be apologizing,” Robert answered in earnest, voice stronger now. “Aaron, I want you to know how very sorry I am, for everything. Everything I put you through. And, all of what I did… all that I said to you.”

Aaron closed his eyes as it came back to him. That time at the scrap yard, when Robert tried his best to inflict the worst possible damage that words can make. Or that time when he held the gun to his head. The many times Robert said to him that he meant nothing. That he was a mistake.

But time really does heal all things. And he was pleased with himself that here, finally, beside Robert, he can honestly say that he is fine with it all.

“It’s okay, Rob,” he replied, softly. “It’s all history.”

“And I should really be thanking you,” Robert continued, and it’s Aaron’s turn to look surprised.

“The thing is, Aaron,” Robert explained, “I thought all of that – with Chrissie and the money – I thought that… all of that was what I wanted. But what you gave me… what you gave me, Aaron, was what I needed. It took me a long time to come to terms with it, and I lost you because of it. But I’m in a better place now, because of you.”

Aaron thought he’s never seen Robert’s face this open before. A bit amazing, really.

He covered his reaction with a smirk and a slight roll of the eyes, “I suppose we’re just even then,” he said, making Robert smile.

They gazed out in silence for a while, small smiles and glances every now and then. Aaron was feeling good about this. He and Robert have truly and spectacularly wrecked it all. But somehow they have come out of it... whole.

***

They were interrupted by a hand clapping on Robert’s shoulder.

“There you are,” said the man, “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

He looked at Aaron appraisingly.

“Aaron,” Robert said, “I’d like you to meet Jake.”

Aaron reached over to shake his hand, just as Jake wrapped his other arm around Robert's back.

“Jake's my boyfriend.”

Aaron was surprised at the heavy weight that fell on his chest.

“Nice to meet you,” Aaron managed to say, squeezing the words through his suddenly dry throat. He couldn’t say anything more, and he didn’t dare look at Robert. He did not expect his reaction, and he could feel Robert’s confusion.

Aaron was saved from doing anything stupid by Chris.

“Hey, you,” Chris said, as he came over, leaning forward for a kiss. He welcomed it, and it calmed him enough to introduce Robert and his... man. They were soon joined by others, and the small talk started again. But Aaron was not paying much attention. Jake seemed friendly enough, and Aaron can understand his possessive reaction at seeing his boyfriend in a serious talk with another bloke. Plus, Jake probably knew about him. What he didn’t understand was his own reaction. He thought he’d worked it all out. He didn’t want Robert any more. He knew that. So why this?

Chris noticed his discomfiture. 

“Shall we go,” he whispered in Aaron’s ear.

Aaron just nodded. They said quick goodbyes. When Aaron noticed that Robert was moving to get a hug, he side-stepped, putting Chris between them. He walked away, willing himself not to run. 

“You alright?” Chris asked at the elevator.

“Yeah,” Aaron replied, keeping his head down. “I think I had too much to drink. Would you mind driving?”

“No, not at all,” Chris said as he held out his hand for the keys.

Outside, as Chris got in the driver’s side, Aaron placed his palms on the roof of the car, and calmed himself with a couple of deep breaths. Sure, he’s moved on. He’s got a wonderful boyfriend, with whom he’s started talking about their future together. He was older now. Calmer. Wiser. He knows himself better, he was more confident in himself. 

***

The elevator ride down gave him the time to recognize what he was feeling and why. 

He was bitter. 

It wasn't that Robert seemed to have discarded his masks and was a more open person, more honest, more genuinely liked. That, he was actually happy about.

It was Robert introducing his boyfriend. That was what made Aaron regretful about the unfairness of it all.

He looked up at the building they just left, but there was no evidence of a party from down here. He quickly wiped the tears from his eyes. Wouldn’t do any good for Chris to see them.

The bitterness took shape in his mind as he sat down and buckled his seat belt.

Why wasn't he like that with me?


	2. He Never Chose Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron needed his mind sorted after his encounter with Robert. He turned to the only person who could help.

Aaron was quiet on the drive back, head against the window, watching the bustle of the city.

“It’s early yet,” said Chris. “Shall we go to my place, have a night cap?”

Chris placed a hand on his knee, moved his fingers a bit, teasing. “I could make it up to you – for dragging you to that party.”

“I’d rather you take me to mine, if you don’t mind,” Aaron said, turning his head to look at his boyfriend. “That afternoon meeting took a lot out of me.”

He hated lying like that, and had to look away.

Fucking Robert Sugden.

His jealousy has now been mostly replaced by embarrassment. Really, what right does he have to begrudge Robert? He did the same thing to Jackson, didn’t he? Denied him his love, until it was too late. Plus, he wasn’t the only one with that experience. There are plenty of coming out stories out there where someone always gets the short end of the stick. 

Still, he couldn’t get past it. He needed his mind sorted, and he couldn’t do it with Chris around.

There was really only one person who can help him, and hopefully she’s at a place where the roaming charge isn’t obscenely expensive.

So, he gently but firmly said no when Chris offered to stay, giving him a long, apologetic kiss and promising to text the very next morning. Chris knew something was up, but one of the reasons why he loved him was his willingness to let Aaron sort out things for himself.

He pulled his phone out and texted as soon as the door closed.

\- Hi. You up for a talk?

The response took a few minutes to come, by which time he had changed out of his suit and into his pajama bottoms, looking through the bathroom mirror at the reflection of the faded scars that crisscrossed his chest.

\- Of course, hon. Let’s Skype. I want to see you.

He put a shirt on, and sat cross-legged on his mattress in front of his laptop. When her face showed up, his face lit up.

Hazel, Jackson’s Mum.

***

He loved that lady. She was even older now, maybe even more careworn. But the smile that she gave him reminded him of those months they travelled together. When he learned to find his peace of mind. Hazel was the one who saved him when they all failed.

After Robert left, Gordon came, and Aaron went into full self-destruct mode. In his blind desire to inflict pain on himself, he had forgotten that he was also hurting everyone who loved him.

But they all tried, he didn’t know how many times, to get through to him. Adam would take his drunken, distraught calls at all hours of the night, driving to Hotten to find him, bringing him home. And Vic would not say anything in understanding. And his Mum, his Mum was brilliant. When Gordon finally pushed him even more over the edge, his Mum saw what it was doing to him, tried to get him to talk, single mindedly wore down his stubbornness until a trip to the beach made him tell her everything. For a while after Gordon was sent down to prison, Aaron found a bit of respite. He tried to get it together for his new-found sister, Liv, but in the end he screwed that up as well and she went back to her mother Sarah, crying for her loss of a father and a brother that she both never knew. He just couldn’t handle it anymore. He drank all the time. Pushed everyone away. Picked up random blokes from all sorts of dodgy places in Hotten for a quick fix, or a fist fight, sometimes both. It’s a miracle, really, that he managed to avoid jail. Or a serious disease.

They ran out of patience, eventually. When his carelessness almost cost Vic her baby, Adam slammed him against the portacabin wall and screamed at him to get the fuck out of their life. His Mum got lost in despair at her inability to help him, almost killing her best friend. But he was too far gone to listen.

***

As Hazel would tell it, it was pure dumb luck, really, that led her to the village just as he was almost unsalvageable.

“I came and went quietly, you know,” she told him during their long talks together. “Just to visit Jackson. Didn’t want to bother anyone, least of all you with my pining.”

“But my car broke down near Hobbesfield. And what do you know? Didn’t have to call it in. Not two minutes later, here comes Cain, all in a nark, with his tow truck.”

“And I said to myself, Hazel, this is a sign. You need to get back to that village and check up on that boy.”

She was horrified by what she learned. Angrier than she has ever been in her entire life. She had waited for him in his room at the Woolpack, and when he came hobbling in, whatever unholy hour it was, she had raged at him, hitting him with everything she had, making him walk to Jackson’s grave, and reminding him of what Jackson gave up so he could have his life. He cried more that night than he ever had, begged forgiveness, but even his shame was not enough for her. She made him pack up his bags, and took him with her.

They spent six months in Australia, driving for thousands of miles in a rickety van made serviceable only by Aaron’s skills as a mechanic. They would randomly pick a direction, stopping when it got dark, having long talks until it was time to sleep. They took odd jobs here and there, never staying more than a week or two, except for that two-month stay outside Perth where Hazel decided it was time for him to have a rebound relationship. In that big, strange, lonesome country, Aaron learned to forgive himself.

***

As always, he was hesitant to tell, once he had her attention. But Hazel knows how wear him out with her patience, so he gave in, faster than usual.

“Saw Robert today,” he said.

“Where? How’d it go?” she asked, her face wobbling as she apparently kept adjusting her screen.

“Mucked it didn’t I?” he said.

And he told her about how it happened. About how he felt insanely jealous that Robert would introduce his boyfriend – use that word, even – as calmly as if there was nothing to it.

“And before you say anything, I know I’m a hypocrite,” Aaron assured her. “I did that to Jackson, didn’t I?”

“That’s not what you did,” Hazel said. “With Jackson, mind you – you weren’t scared of admitting to everyone you wanted him for sex, I mean after you decked him, that is.” 

He couldn’t help a smile.

“It’s the love part that you were rubbish at. Robert was worse, because even after everyone knew he wanted you for sex, and even after he admitted he was in love with you, he still couldn’t say it out proud!”

“And that made it worse, didn’t it?” He said in exasperation. “Even after it was all out, he still denied it!”

“And you’re thinking now that it had to do with you.”

“A bit, yeah.”

There was more, they both knew. Hazel waited him out.

“He never chose me,” Aaron finally laid on the table something that they didn’t manage to dig out before. “He told me he loved me, but he only decided to choose me when there was no one else.”

The tears fell then. But there was no violence in it – he did not sob or weep. The time when hurt like that would force-feed his insecurities has long passed. These were nothing more than tears of regret. Regret for something spectacular that could have been truly magnificent but never did become.

“How do you feel about it, my boy?” Hazel asked, gently, and he told her, and felt better afterwards.

***

They talked some more, about other things. They started reminiscing about their walkabout, always a topic they came back to. Aaron grousing non-stop about the flat landscape until he was silenced by wildflowers and sunsets, figuring that the van went from naught to 60 in precisely 60 seconds, Hazel inventing crazy stories to describe their relationship to curious locals, until finally admitting to the truth when Aaron met Craig, who refused his advances believing they were lovers. That always got a hearty laugh from both of them. Hazel didn’t give him advice, or tell him what to do. The walkabout was the only time she did that.

They finished the way they always did. Hazel saying, “It wasn’t just for you, my boy. It was for me, too.”

She did ask him a question, which he mulled over his head as he lay back, staring at the ceiling.

“What are you going to do about it?”

He answered as sleep came to him.

“Nothing... it's all in the past.”


	3. Calm Before The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Aaron playing with fire?

Emma doesn’t waste time. Not two days later, Aaron received a call from her office.

“Hello, Mr. Dingle.” From the suppressed excitement in the voice, Aaron could immediately tell it was Jamie, Emma’s 18-year old assistant. “Ms. Hodgkins asks you to meet her for lunch today, 1 pm?”

Aaron rolled his eyes. Jamie had a huge crush on him – at first Aaron simply found it amusing, but her youthful earnestness made it all innocently appealing. She didn’t care that he wasn’t interested – or wouldn’t be, under most circumstances – and this faint echo of his relationship with his best friend, Adam, compelled him to be real nice to her. Sending Jamie to do her dirty work meant Emma was not taking no for an answer.

“I know what you’re on about,” Aaron said later in the café, sat on a narrow table across from Em.

“Nothing wrong with wanting to see how you’re getting on,” Em replied, inscrutable. “But since you brought it up.”

“Robert is an ex,” Aaron said, “It seems like you gathered.” He wasn’t willing to give more than necessary.

“Yes, I gathered,” Em replied, with a self-satisfied smile that oddly reminded him of Robert’s. “I did my undergraduate thesis on body language, Aaron. It was obvious to me that you and Robert have a thing for each other.”

“Had,” Aaron corrected her.

“I’m not the one you need to reassure, Aaron,” Em said, taking a sip from her glass of lemonade.

“Wait, hang on – have you said anything to Chris?” Aaron asked. Em is starting to look more and more like his Mum to him, at the moment.

“Why, is there anything to tell?”

Aaron just stared at her, feeling cornered. He got a brief flashback memory of the times he was questioned by police.

“That tells me all I need to know,” Em said.

“Alright, alright,” Aaron relented, rubbing his hand on his forehead. “Like I said, he’s an ex. We have a history.”

Emma just gave him a blank look.

“What did you expect me to do, then?” Aaron asked, moving his hands in pantomime. “Oh, hi there, Rob! Everyone, meet my ex whom I had a spectacular break up with!”

“There’s no need to be defensive,” Emma said, voice smooth. She’s really pulling out the attorney bit here.

“Look, Em,” Aaron recovered. “I’m not being defensive. It’s that… it’s really none of your business!”

Em narrowed her eyes, leaning forward. Shit, wrong thing to say.

“Chris is like a brother to me…” she started, and Aaron raised both hands in surrender, interrupting her.

“I get that… I get that,” he said. “But this is really between me and him, isn’t it?”

Emma pulled back.

“Yes,” she acquiesced. “But he also texted me yesterday asking if anything happened with you at the party. So he made it my business.”

“He what?”

“Look, Aaron,” Emma said, and her voice brooked no arguments. “Chris is head over heels for you.”

Fuck. This is doing his head in. He did not move away from his Mum just to be pushed about by Emma, and if she thinks she can do that, she’s in for one big disappointment.

Emma clearly didn’t see the brick wall he placed in front of her, and carried on, “He’s worried, because you haven't even explained why you had to get your own flat. He’s got an extra bedroom in his!”

“I don’t have to answer to you,” Aaron said, pushing his seat back as he stood up.

Em leaned forward, eyes blazing at him, “But you do to Chris!” 

***

For his late afternoon run, Aaron decided not to go his usual route by the river, aiming instead for the financial quarter. He turned left on Infirmary Street, sidestepping the afternoon rush of cars and pedestrians. He stopped across from Chris’ peach-colored office building, looking up the sixth floor window where he was at.

“Aaron!”

He turned around, and inhaled smoke in surprise that caused some involuntary coughing from his already taxed lungs.

“Jeez, I’m sorry, mate!”

Someone was pounding his back as he bent over, hands on his knees. He looked at the offender in irritation but had to laugh at Robert’s overly concerned face.

“You should really quit that, mate,” Aaron said as he caught his breath, nodding at Robert’s left hand holding a cigarette. He used to be a smoker, though, and was sympathetic. So, he took the bite out of his voice by straightening up and grinning with an exaggerated shake of his head.

“You sure you’re alright? I’m sorry if I gave you a fright,” Robert said, his arm pulling away.

“No worries,” Aaron said.

It was a mistake to look straight at Robert’s eyes. Too close. He had too many memories of those eyes and the lips below, at that distance from his own. It took some effort not to glance down.

Aaron took a step back. “I was just…” he began, indicating the building across with his thumb.

"Yeah, I reckoned," Robert said, "was just taking a break myself." He mirrored Aaron's action to indicate the building behind him, where he worked with Todd.

"Alright, then..."

“Aaron, wait,” Robert stopped him from taking another step.

He raised an eyebrow in a question.

“Would you… uh, would you like to get a drink sometime. You and Chris, I mean, and Todd… like a lad’s night out, if you’d like, with me,” Robert stammered.

Robert started to blush, and Aaron teased before he could stop himself, “What’d you do with smooth Robert?” He gave a bit of a nervous laugh when Robert reddened even more, and relaxed when Robert chuckled in return.

“Well,” Robert said, pausing to pull out something from his pocket. Aaron watched in fascination as he recognized the beginnings of a flirtatious smirk, and was somewhat relieved when it developed into nothing more than a friendly smile. 

“Call me, yeah? Or text?”

Aaron nodded as he took the proffered business card.

“See you in a bit, then.”

“See you in a bit.”

***

It was bad timing to turn up at Chris’ office unannounced. The only welcome he received was from employees filing out for the day, some eyeing him up and down in his sweat-soaked state. Chris was irate about needing to work late, carrying on about bad clients, clearly not wanting him to be there, so Aaron made a point of at least getting a goodbye kiss before heading back out.

Outside, he unstrapped his phone from his arm and pulled out Robert’s card.

\- Boyfriend’s in dock. You available?

Shit. He sent out the text before he realized the innuendo. He was furiously typing a more innocuous follow up when the reply came.

\- Aaron?

\- Yes, just call

***

“You sure you don’t mind my sweaty bum in here,” Aaron asked, as he slipped into the passenger seat in Robert’s black Audi.

“Your sweaty bum is welcome any time,” Robert replied.

Their simultaneous blush broke the ice, and made them laugh.

“You don’t smoke in your car,” Aaron observed, riding the remnants of their mirth.

“I still have some self-control left, you know.”

They agreed to make the drive to Aaron’s flat so he could change, and then go out for a meal and drinks.

“This is your flat?” Robert asked, a bit uncertain, as they pulled in in front of his apartment building.

“No need to turn up your nose,” Aaron said. “It’s decent, ain’t it. Close to shops, and there’s a bar down the street. Good access to running trails.”

“Uh, there’s something I need to tell you,” Robert said, in a serious tone.

“What – this is where your mistress is at?”

“No,” Robert had an injured look, “you see that For Sale sign over there? I’m closing a deal to buy the building.”

“No kidding. You’re going to be my landlord,” Aaron said in surprise. “I’m beginning to think you’re stalking me.”

“It’s a good investment opportunity! Five floors, sixteen units, shop fronts beneath. Comparing the cash inflow to the upkeep, it’s a good source of steady income!”

Aaron laughed at the look of horror on Robert’s face.

“Relax, mate, I’m not having a go!”

Robert recovered with a breath, chuckled, lowered his head, then gave him a sideways look. If there was a part of Aaron finding that move sexy, he was ignoring it.

“You’re seriously loaded now, are you?” Aaron was a bit impressed. The last few years have been a crash course in finance for him, so he’s gained some appreciation for Robert's knack in it.

“Well, I managed to negotiate a good divorce settlement, and made some good bets on investments.”

“I suppose,” Aaron said with a smile, mostly to himself, “the economy was bound to recover after Brexit.”

Robert gave a small, noncommittal shrug. This modest Robert will take a bit of getting used to.

“Want to come in, then,” Aaron offered, ignoring the warning bell in his head. “See what you’re getting with your new investment.”

***

The Robert appraising his one bedroom flat was more like the old Robert, looking around with an air of expertise, commenting on the layout, the quality of the masonry, and the view from the large window. 

“Still getting used to the height, if you ask me,” Aaron said loudly from his bedroom while changing. “Been a while since France.”

Robert stepped to the doorframe, but did not approach any further. Aaron looked up from where he was sitting on the mattress, putting his shoes on. He’s sussed out Robert by now to be certain that if he wanted to, he could have him right here, right now. But he did not feel any inclination to move in that direction. The resolution he made from that talk with Hazel was holding.

“You haven’t bought a bed, yet,” Robert observed.

“Doesn’t bother me,” Aaron remarked, getting up. 

Robert nodded. “I’m assuming Chris doesn’t live here,” he said.

“You sure you haven’t been checking the tenant list?” Aaron joked, and Robert gave his injured look again.

“No,” Aaron answered more seriously, after a moment, a brief flash of Emma's earlier parting shot in his mind. “Not something I'd want to talk about with you, though.”

That was a bit of a dampener. Robert nodded again in response, and stepped back into the living room.

***

They decided to walk to one of the diners nearby, and after that, the pub down the street. Aaron had visited often enough since moving into the area, and the bartender nodded to him in recognition. It was a slow Monday night.

During the meal, they fell easily into banter and conversation, but stuck to neutral topics. It wasn't until they were finishing their pints at the pub that they started skirting towards more sensitive issues.

“So, I called Vic,” Robert began.

“And?”

“Had a go about not calling for a few months, but seemed happy enough.”

“You don’t seem too happy about it,” Aaron observed, looking at Robert’s face.

“We arranged to visit next weekend,” Robert said, looking downcast.

“Well, that’s good, ain’t it?” Aaron prodded. “Get to see your niece, see how bloated Vic’s gotten carrying the baby, see Diane… I’m sure they’re all chuffed.”

Robert just stared at his glass, so Aaron pushed his against it.

“What’s the problem, then?”

“I’m just not sure…” Robert took a deep breath. “Listen, Aaron. The last time I went home, it was… difficult enough. And back then, I was ready to take on anyone. But now…”

“What, you’ve seriously gone all soft?”

“I’m just tired of it, Aaron. I just seriously want to have nothing more than a quiet visit, and not get into it with anyone.”

“You mean with my Mum,” Aaron smiled.

“Among others, yeah,” Robert gave him an apologetic smile. “And no,” he added, swallowing a gulp of his beer, “you don’t have to tell me I deserve it. I know I do.”

“Listen, mate,” Aaron said, “what you did, that’s old history. Nothing compared to what I did. Vic told you about that, right?”

“She did,” Robert said, gazing at his face. “I only learned after… after you’ve gone to Australia. She said that… that trip did you good. That you’ve been brilliant since you came back.”

“That trip saved me from myself, yeah,” Aaron said, eyes down, with a wistful smile, his recent reminiscing with Hazel still fresh in his mind, and he was feeling grateful to hear Vic’s words.

“I’m sorry,” Robert said, “I wish… I wish I could have helped.”

“I had all the help I needed, mate.”

Their eyes met, and for a moment, they had a wordless conversation. A silent agreement that now’s not the time to rehash these things.

“So, do you think it would help if I went, too?” Aaron offered, and Robert widened his eyes in surprise. “I could ask Chris if he’s available, I’m sure he is. That might be worth seeing, my Mum’s face at me and Chris, you and Jake having some drinks together. That’d be village gossip for at least a month, maybe two.”

Robert laughed, but when he looked at him again he looked earnest, “Seriously, you’d do that?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “I’d do it for you, Robert. I’d like us to get on.”

Aaron’s phone rang at that moment, so he didn’t notice the watering in Robert’s eyes. 

“That was lover boy, mate,” Aaron said, getting up, and Robert followed suit. “Better get a move on and take me home, before he gets any ideas about what we’ve been up to,” he added with a wink.

They walked out of the pub, and headed off.


	4. The Trouble With Robert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron tries to explain Robert to his boyfriend.

Aaron ended up regretting his impulsive decision to go out with Robert as they walked up, seeing the sour expression on Chris’ face as he got out of his car. Chris had known bits and pieces about their past – the affair and the explosive break-up – but not much more. Aaron never told him specifics about the heavy drama, or the aftermath, and Chris was a perceptive enough guy to realize that there were really important details that he was holding back. It has always been a bit of a cloud hanging over their relationship. Even though Aaron had decided to resolve some of that yesterday, had come over to Chris’ to explain, tell him more about Robert, he wasn’t able to say anything more substantial than confirm that he was that particular ex. 

So it wasn’t really surprising that Chris had a cow when he saw them together.

“What’s this,” Chris said, accepting a kiss from him. Aaron had to step closer and away from Robert, and he could feel the agitation in the arm that Chris that wrapped around his back and refused to let go. Aaron rubbed Chris’ back in an attempt to calm him down.

“You remember Robert, right?” Aaron said, “from the party?”

“Yes, I do,” Chris said, “and you told me he’s _that_ ex.” There was no mistaking the emphasis.

“Ran into each other outside of work,” Robert explained, putting his hands in his pockets. Aaron appreciated that he wasn’t putting on his falsely deprecating charm, the way he used to. Or worse, going on the offensive. “Aaron said that you were held up, so we went out for a drink. Haven’t seen each other for years, so we thought we’d catch up a bit.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you,” Chris said.

“Hey,” Aaron said. He pulled away so he can face Chris and try to diffuse the tension. “There’s no need for that. Like Robert said, we were just catching up.” If only that was all there was to it. What was he thinking?

Chris held his body rigid, and so Aaron turned to Robert, “See you around, yeah?”

He was relieved that Robert just gave a small nod and started to walk away.

***

Aaron sat on his small sofa as Chris paced back and forth in his living room.

“Sit down, please,” he said after a while, tapping the space beside him. “Chris… c’mon,” he added, when the other man ignored him.

“I’m not trying to get back together with him, alright?” Aaron said finally, standing up and grabbing Chris with both arms, pulling him in until their waists touched. “I’m with you.”

Chris just looked at him with suspicion, but did not pull away.

“Look, like I told you before, Robert and I have things that needed sorting,” Aaron explained. “We hurt each other badly, and that has… affected me and the way I am with people.”

“I’ve moved on,” he continued, “but it helps me to make peace with him. We're too connected, families and friends from the village, that we really have no choice but to try and get along.”

“Trust me,” Aaron said, leaning in for a kiss, ignoring the brief flash in his mind of Robert probably saying the same thing to his ex-wife, back then. He expected Chris to hold back, and the passionate response surprised him for a moment. Aaron pulled away for a bit, smiled, and dove back in.

***

“You haven’t made much progress setting up this place,” Chris said, as they lounged on his mattress, naked after their make-up sex. 

“Haven’t much time,” Aaron said, fingers playing with the short hairs on Chris’ belly. “Been spending too much at yours,” he added with a smile.

“Then why not move in?” Chris asked. Aaron’s sidestepped this question before, and he’s not really sure why.

Aaron watched the tightening of Chris' stomach as he laid his hand flat on it, fingers splayed, slowly sliding downwards.

“I moved to Leeds to be closer to you, didn’t I?”

He forestalled any response from Chris by rolling on top of him and pinning down his arms, looking him in the eye.

“Look, there's nothing to it. I’ve been living with my Mum for too long, and not just with her. You’ve seen what the Woollie’s like. I did that for years.” He kissed Chris’ neck, ran his tongue over his ear, and was rewarded by a hardening response against his thigh.

“I just need this bit of time with some space on my own,” he continued, reaching down to stroke Chris to full hardness. Chris’ eyes were closed, and he was breathing through his mouth in quick, shallow huffs. Aaron pushed his mouth against the upturned chin, giving it a small bite, eliciting a brief moan. Aaron hitched himself up and laid fully on top of Chris, lining up their erections. 

“Besides,” he said, “not even four months and my lease is up.” 

Chris placed a hand on the side of his face, a very intimate gesture. He nodded to Aaron, accepting the unspoken peace offering. Aaron pushed their mouths together in thanks, giving a wet, dirty kiss, tongue pushing in. Chris moaned loudly and put arms around him, pulling in tight. Aaron slid his arms under Chris’ knees, pulled them up towards his shoulders. Their chests separated, and the movement released their cocks from confinement, Aaron's springing into alignment with Chris’ opening, still wet from their previous round. He entered without having to look.

“And there’s nothing to Robert, alright?” Aaron whispered to Chris’ lips, eyes fluttering as he pushed in, slow and steady.

***

It was Friday morning when Aaron finally got around to mentioning Emmerdale for the weekend, and Chris was happily up for it. Until he added that Robert and Jake will be there as well. The argument that followed rapidly escalated into a fight.

“Didn’t realize you were this kinky!” Chris yelled, finger jabbing at his chest. “Arranging a foursome with your ex and his boyfriend!”

“C’mon, Chris, don’t be crass,” Aaron said, trying to keep calm but rapidly losing his patience.

“What do you expect, Aaron?” Chris shouted. “You say you haven’t seen him in years! You see him Saturday night, and you couldn’t wait to get rid of me, Monday you go on a date, and now you’re taking him to meet the family! Is the wedding next week?!”

“That’s not… !” Aaron started to yell back, but stopped himself. He put both hands on his face, pressed his fingers to his eyes, and then steepled them against his nose, trying to keep calm.

“I am just trying to help him,” Aaron explained, voice steady. “He’s not going to visit my family – he’s visiting his. I’m helping by keeping my Mum off his back.”

“Why?”

“Because you know what my Mum can be like!”

“No, why are you helping him – if what you had with him got so bad – why are you?”

“Because he lost all he had ‘cause of me, Chris!” Aaron finally shouted.

Chris was agape.

“Robert left the village because of me,” Aaron explained, more calmly now. “Because I outed him. Because I hated him.”

He walked over, and was relieved that Chris did not object when he put his hands on his shoulders. “His sister, Vic, is one of my best friends. His stepmum is my Mum’s best friend. They lost him because of me. And I’d like to do what I can to help them get him back.”

“Please,” Aaron said. “That’s all there is between me and Robert.”

Chris nodded eventually, eyes wary, but also sympathetic. “As long as there isn’t anything else.” Aaron almost gave a start at the memory of him saying the same to Robert once, at the stairwell of the Woolpack. Robert had promised him there wasn’t more. But that didn’t stop the whole damn thing from blowing up in their faces.

Not this time, Aaron promised Chris silently, as he pulled him in for a hug.


	5. The Trouble With Aaron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron fucks up, and Robert comes to the rescue.

It was Saturday mid-afternoon by the time Aaron and Chris managed to leave, them having slept late from a marathon session of make-up lovemaking, and a couple of additional rounds, at noon when they finally woke up, and again in the shower. Aaron had to smile at the thought that Robert was the reason for that.

He tried to tell Chris more about Robert during the drive, but found that he couldn’t. Drawing out the details would have violated his resolve to keep the past in the past. But there was something that Chris needed to know, so he told him about old Robert. About old Robert getting shot.

“He was a total muppet back then, bloody arrogant, didn’t give a shit about anyone,” he told Chris, “so when someone shot him – right in the chest,” he indicated with his finger, “– half the villagers were suspects.”

Chris looked at him sideways, skeptical. “That sounds like a soap opera,” he said, and Aaron laughed.

“Todd thinks highly of him,” Chris said, after a while. “A good balance of confidence and modesty,” he mimicked Todd, “or something along those lines.”

Aaron nodded, smiling. He didn’t mind the note of dislike in Chris’ voice.

“Well, you might hear some nasty stuff, is what I’m saying,” he said. Aaron almost left it at that, but had to tell more. A lot of stuff Chris might hear was about him, too. “I got thrown in jail for it – attempted murder.”

He should have been ready for it, but Chris’ reaction still made him swerve.

“You didn’t really shoot him… did you?” he asked, and Aaron had to laugh at the shock on his face.

“No, I didn’t,” he answered, turning serious. “Rob was in a coma, when they arrested me. When he woke up, he told them it wasn’t me.”

Chris looked at him uncertainly.

“Can you imagine how bloody pissed off I was, though? That’s when I told Rob I hated him.”

They drove in silence for a while, Chris digesting his revelations. When they got on the narrower, winding roads of the Dales, Chris spoke up.

“But you loved him.”

It wasn’t a question.

“Yes,” Aaron answered, looking over at Chris. His boyfriend gazed straight ahead, head immobile, and Aaron suddenly had the urge to turn around, drive fast, back to Leeds, save Chris from all of this shit.

Instead, he pulled over and turned off the ignition. “I shouldn’t have dragged you here,” he said, to the sudden quiet. “I’m sorry.”

Why did he have to get Chris involved? Since he met Robert again, he hasn’t been thinking of the consequences of his actions. What the fuck was he doing?

He looked outside his window. They were on top of a small rise, green expanse beyond a low stone wall. He suddenly felt homesick.

“I love you, Aaron Dingle,” Chris said, unexpectedly.

That was exactly the wrong thing to say.

Aaron turned to him with mouth slightly agape. He wasn’t ready for it. He can only watch helplessly, as the hopeful look on Chris’ face changed into hurt, as the tears pooling in his wide, brown eyes begged him to say something – anything! – but he had nothing.

***

They definitely couldn’t drive on to the village after that.

Aaron stood by Chris as he cried by the roadside, begged him to get back in the car, to let him take him home. Chris relented, eventually, rebuffing any other attempts to talk. Aaron was worried to leave him alone in his flat, looking broken, and he felt relieved when Chris summoned enough anger to scream at him to get the fuck out. He started to call Em, but ended up calling Todd, out from dinner, telling him he fucked up, royally, and that Chris needed his best friends.

Em greeted him with a slap in the face, in her black, sequined dress, Todd in dinner suit. She didn’t say anything, but pushed him away as he tried to follow them into Chris’ flat. Todd closed the door to his face, but did not slam it.

He felt exhausted by the time he got back to his own place, threw himself on the mattress, and tried to sleep. But guilt kept him awake, and for the first time, the peace that Hazel spent six months gathering for him threatened to shatter. But he could not call her for this.

So he called Robert.

***

By the second beep of the ring back tone, he realized what he had done. Having decided to call Robert, he had pulled out his phone and typed the numbers, not even needing to scroll down his list of contacts. 

He had subconsciously memorized Robert’s number from the card he gave him. 

The magnitude of the implication – his pathetic need – hit him, hard, and on impulse he threw the phone against the wall. It shattered into pieces and fell to the floor.

“Fuck!”

His next door neighbour answered with brief banging, muffled on the wall. All of a sudden, Aaron longed for the dark, crowded space of an old van, low ceilinged, ridged truck bed under his sleeping bag, space cleared of random belongings shoved aside, windows open to the stars. This small room with its lone mattress and whitewashed bare walls was too big. The lights were too bright. The wide glass window only showed him his reflection.

He had to get out.

***

It wasn’t even eleven yet, a brightly lit sign up Call Lane told him, as he made his way among the Saturday crowd of the Leeds nightlife. Aaron endured the long waiting lines of the club, feet restless, keeping his face blank to hide his agitation. He breathed easier as soon as he entered, feeling the pulse of the deep bass flow through him like a wave, rebound from the walls, and back again, non-stop. He made his way through the moving mass of bodies to the center of the main floor, where the ceiling was at its highest, blue orbs pulsing. Closing his eyes, he started moving to the music, remembering that time when he and Hazel stumbled upon a late night rave in the middle of the desert. Typical of him, he refused to join the throng, feeling self-conscious, until Hazel pointed out that they were all strangers here, no one will judge. And even if they did, so what? It was like coming out, really.

He danced for as long as his body would let him, but it was still dark when he came back, now pleasantly exhausted as he fumbled with the keys to his flat. The events of the past week, forgotten for a while, were already starting to creep back into his mind. But he stubbornly held them at bay as he shambled to his room, pulling off clothes, already tasting sleep. He threw himself on the mattress, and he was too knackered to notice the body already lying there, which quickly got out of the way, pushing him to the side.

It took him a moment to recover, his tired muscles managing to go into overdrive, giving him enough energy to stand up and make a threatening stance.

“Aaron, it’s me.”

Aaron blinked at the man in front of him, for a second thinking it was Chris, came back to forgive him, until his sleep-fogged mind cleared sufficiently.

It was Robert.

***

Aaron flicked on the light switch to be sure.

“Rob…”

He really didn’t have any more energy left for this. Damn, he was bone-weary. He sat back down on the mattress, and dropped on his back with a thump, arms raised over his head.

“Aaron,” Robert’s voice sounded strained, “is everything alright?”

Aaron rubbed his eyes, fighting sleep. “Yeah… yeah, m’fine,” he said. “Jus’ tired.” He raised his torso, elbows on the bed to look at Robert, and the unadulterated want that he saw shocked him awake. He realized that he was naked, except for his boxers and socks, which made Aaron laugh, with his entire aching body.

Robert put on his injured look. “It’s good you’re having fun, even if it’s at my expense,” he said in his long-suffering voice.

“Good to know you still want me like that,” Aaron smiled, as he got up again on his still tired legs. He opened the dresser drawer, pulled on running pants.

Robert watched him, looking like he was going to say something, but didn’t. His eyes lingered at his chest, at the faded scars, until Aaron covered them with a t-shirt. Their eyes met, Robert’s uncertain. Aaron reassured him with a smile – he was no longer that self-conscious about his scars.

“Wha’… what’re you doing ‘ere... Rob?” The words were drawn out by a huge yawn. Aaron sat back down, inviting Robert to sit beside him. The adrenaline that powered him in their tussle was now quickly dissipating. “You’re s’pposed to be in ’merdale?”

“You didn’t show,” Robert said, as he settled with arms propped on knees. “I was worried. I picked up your call, but you hung up. Wouldn’t take my calls back.”

Another yawn, and Aaron lay back down.

“I came here and saw these,” Robert continued, gesturing at the broken pieces of his mobile on the floor.

“Y’ look tired,” Aaron said, eyes drooping.

“It was a long drive. Haven’t slept. I was waiting for you.”

“How’d you get in m’ flat?”

“I’m your landlord now, remember?” Robert smirked, “got master keys.”

Aaron opened his eyes slightly, gave a tired smile. “Pretty sure there’re laws ’gainst that.”

“I’m allowed in case of emergency. It’s in your lease contract.”

Aaron’s eyes were now closed, but Robert was insistent.

“Aaron, are you okay?”

“M’ fine,” Aaron reassured him, tried to smile, “... promise.” He can’t fight sleep much longer.

Robert said nothing, shifting around.

“C’mon,” Aaron scooted to the right, putting his left arm out for Robert. “We’ll talk ’morrow, ’kay?” His brain was rapidly shutting down.

Robert relented, soft waves bouncing through the mattress as he lay down. Aaron finally switched off, barely noticing how his body still remembered the old familiarity of Rob’s head on his shoulder, arm on his chest.


	6. Doing A Runner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title says it.

Aaron was awakened by the sound of a door closing. His first instinct was to look over the right side of the mattress, where he usually stowed his phone by the floor. Its absence reminded him that he destroyed it last night. He lay back and stared at the ceiling, feeling the anxiety build up in his chest. Not only did he have the aftermath of his _faux pas_ with Chris to deal with, but now there was Robert, as well.

He stood up, walked out of the bedroom, and saw Robert standing, looking out the window, coffee in hand. Robert turned around almost immediately and smiled at him.

Shit. He’d assumed that Robert stepped out for a cigarette, or left for home. There was no time to regroup.

“Got some coffee from the deli downstairs,” Robert said in greeting, nodding at the kitchen table.

“Cheers,” Aaron said, walking over to get the brew. His mind was all in a jumble. Rob looked good. Blond hair mussed up, dress shirt tucked out, top buttons undone. But it was pushing him into a grousy mood. “You’re still here,” he said.

“Well, yeah,” Robert replied, as he sat across from him, “you did say we’ll talk.” His voice and his manner were careful, which meant that he recognized Aaron’s mood, which made Aaron even more irritated.

“Right,” Aaron said, rubbing his forehead. Robert was looking at him expectantly, and he didn’t really know where to start. He needed something to calm him down. He took a sip of the coffee and recognized it for an Americano. He almost smiled. Some things never change. He took a couple more sips, but the caffeine only made him more agitated.

“Spot me a ciggy, then?” Aaron asked, getting a surprised look from Robert.

“I quit, actually,” Robert said, laying his left arm on the table, rolling up the sleeve. His arm was a bit thinner than Aaron remembered. Robert indicated the square nicotine patch just above the elbow.

“Let me guess,” Aaron said, feeling like he’s being maneuvered, “you quit because I said you should.”

“You know I listen to you,” Robert replied. “I thought you’d approve.”

Aaron just glared at him.

“Aaron, why are you being like this?”

“Why are you still here, Robert?” Aaron pounced. “Shouldn’t you be at home with your boyfriend?” He never thought he’d say that word like he despised it.

Robert’s calm answer surprised him. “Jake’s back at Manchester. I broke up with him.”

That revelation only made the simmering anger bubble up to the surface. Aaron could feel his heart palpitating.

“So what now,” Aaron said, thumbed his nose, close to yelling, “you expect me to dump Chris and get back with you?”

“No, Aaron,” Robert protested. “It’s not like that at all. I’m the one who came here, didn’t I? Because you called me.”

“But I didn’t ask you to come!” Aaron wiped a hand over his face. He stood up, started pacing. He’s right back where he started. One week of having Robert back in his life and his ability to make rational decisions went out the door.

“I was worried, alright?” Robert said, with a bit more fire now, standing up himself.

“So, you're saying then,” Aaron said spitefully, “all I have to do is call, and you’ll come running?” That was a low blow, judging by the hurt on Robert’s face.

“Why’d you call me, then?” Robert asked, voice breaking. “Why’d you break your phone? Why’d you ask me to sleep with you last night?”

That doused Aaron’s anger. “I… I didn’t,” he put a hand over his mouth, staring at Robert. He was sure he didn’t. “I didn’t ask you to have sex with me.”

“I didn’t mean that,” Robert said, voice soft, coming closer. “It was more than sex, Aaron.”

“Did you… did you really break up because of me?” He didn’t want to ask, but he had to know.

“Yes.”

“Why?” Aaron asked, confused. “I wasn’t trying to lead you on. I just thought we could be mates.”

“I know that,” Robert said, “I broke up with him after that night, at the party.”

Robert was right in front of him now, and Aaron looked at his face, at his blue eyes, flecked with green, recognized what he was going to say next. A huge fear lodged in his stomach.

“No,” he stopped Robert with a hand to the chest, pulled it right back at the touch. “This is doing my head in.”

He spotted his running shoes by the door, picked them up, and shoved them on his feet, moving as fast as he can.

“I don’t want you here when I get back, Robert,” he said. “So why don’t you go and do one.”

***

Stalled by the light at the crosswalk, Aaron got impatient. He wanted to keep running, and so turned left. From there, he picked whichever direction, as long as he didn’t have to slow his stride. Running for him nowadays was a way to focus his mind – unlike before – but he couldn’t think of anything else except Robert.

So he forced himself to think about Chris.

Aaron knew what he felt for Chris – he thought there was no doubt in his mind – and he smiled as he recalled their recent sex marathon. Ever since his first time with Jackson, sex has always been very satisfying to him. Aaron was a red-blooded, proudly out gay man, and he had no inhibitions about giving all he had to his sexual encounters. That was something that he had in common with Chris. There have been less satisfying times, before, but those had been because he wasn’t sober, or because it was with a man not equally comfortable in his sexuality. Which was why it was a real puzzle that he had some truly memorable encounters with Robert. He never understood how someone so deep in the closet could’ve been so uninhibited in that way.

Shit. He was back to Robert again. That made him stop suddenly, not noticing the skateboarder behind him, who had to swerve and push him against a wall to avoid spilling.

“Watch it, arsehole!” The skater looked back at him with a smirking grin.

Aaron leaned his back against the building to calm himself, rubbing his bruised arm. Looking around, he realized that he was only a couple of blocks away from Chris’ flat. He walked in that direction, wondering what he was going to say. Chris’ declaration last night superimposed in his mind with a flashback of Jackson, which was why he was so desperate to get Chris back home, safe and sound, under the watchful eyes of Em and Todd. He wondered if they’re still at his place, stayed the night like Robert did with him. He had a lot to regret last night. He should've at least said something to Chris. He shouldn’t have called Robert. Or he could've just finished the call – made some excuse why they didn’t show. Or better yet, he shouldn’t have offered to go in the first place.

And with that, he was back to thinking about Robert again.

***

Aaron spotted Chris’ car in his parking space, but he didn’t walk up and knock until after he had circled the building, looking up at Chris’ third floor unit. He sighed in relief when the door opened. Chris looked at him, turned around, let him follow. Aaron carefully closed the door behind him. He stopped an arm’s length from Chris, who faced him with arms crossed, glaring, dark circles under his eyes.

“I’m really sorry about last night…” Aaron apologized, “... you caught me off guard... I wasn’t ready for it. And I was bricking it… about going to the village, with Robert there,” – Chris looked away at that – “and my Mum.”

“Why didn’t you just stay away, then?” Chris’ soft, sad voice belied the angry look on his face.

“Because I’m done running away,” Aaron answered. “That’s where these came from,” he added, pulling down the collar of his t-shirt, exposing the topmost scars on his chest. Chris looked down at them. Aaron noticed his hand twitch, lift a bit, drop back down.

“I do love you, Chris,” Aaron said, and he meant it. “I do!” he repeated, at the disbelieving look.

“But you have some unfinished business with Robert,” Chris said.

“It’s done, now,” Aaron replied. “Like I said before, I wanted to help him reconnect with his family.”

Chris sat down, head in his hands. Aaron crouched in front of him, started to put hands on Chris’ knees, but didn’t, not wanting to push.

“But you’re still attracted to him, aren't you! It’s obvious!” Chris leaned back, arms crossed again.

“Sexually? Yes,” Aaron answered in honesty, “you know how it is with us, blokes. You said yourself you’d still like to jump that ex of yours from work.” He attempted a smile, but stopped at Chris’ indignance.

“I was joking when I said that, Aaron!”

“Please,” Aaron said, as he risked a hand on Chris’ knee, “let’s not fight. I admit it, I still find Robert attractive, but that doesn’t mean I want to jump right into bed with him.” That almost caught in his throat, seeing that’s exactly what he did last night. But if he weren’t too knackered to think, it wouldn’t have happened. And they didn’t have sex. That wouldn't go well with Chris, though, so he didn't say anything, with some guilt. “You and I,” Aaron tried to tease again, “we do great on that front, don't we?” but Chris did not react.

“I love you, Chris,” Aaron said again, more insistent.

“I love you, too... ” Chris said after a while. Aaron, smiling and feeling good at the words, leaned in for a kiss.

“... So move in with me then,” Chris added, and Aaron couldn't help but hesitate.

There was an intense millisecond there, and Chris stood up abruptly. Aaron had to put a hand to the floor to avoid falling on his arse.

Chris walked to the door, held it open. Aaron stood up, eyes begging.

“I think you’re not done with Robert,” Chris said, not looking at him. “Make up your mind, Aaron. I won’t wait forever.”

***

The following week was busy with meetings, travel, and work. Aaron had to take off Monday morning to get a replacement for his phone, so he e-mailed Adam to cover for him at an important meeting with a client, near Otley. Adam wasn’t pleased, sending him an expletive-filled reply, which he deleted after forwarding to Vic. Tuesday he had an uncomfortable encounter with Emma at a coffee shop, her telling him to stop stringing Chris along, that she was lining up all the eligible bachelors in Leeds to show Chris he was not that special. She was definitely channeling his Mum, which left him feeling like he was Robert, the old Robert. That made him want to call Chris, to tell him he was wrong about him, but during the afternoon run he decided that Chris was right after all. His ‘unfinished business’ was the root of his decision to get a separate flat for himself and not move in with his boyfriend. Aaron couldn’t commit to Chris until he settled his issues with Robert.

But before he can do that, he had to settle an issue with himself first. His involuntary fear when he realized that Robert was going to say he still loved him. So he called Hazel again. For the first time since Australia, he asked her for advice.

“You’re scared, Aaron,” Hazel said, “you’re scared that if Robert says he loves you, you’ll say it right back. I wish I had that problem.”

“Don’t be daft,” Aaron tried to laugh it off, but he knew she was right.

“I reckon you want him,” Hazel said, “and I reckon you’re scared he’ll hurt you again.”

“What should I do?”

He wasn't particularly comfortable with her response, but agreed it was obvious.

***

He dropped by Emmerdale village and had lunch at the Woolpack on Thursday, and learned a bit more about Robert’s visit from a very pregnant Vic.

“He seemed alright,” Vic said, “but also a bit sad.” Her look said she could have said more, but she didn't. Vic had gotten even wiser over the years.

Aaron avoided saying anything by taking a sip of his pint.

“He was real chuffed you made up, though,” Vic added, in that carrying voice of hers, at which Aaron made a strangled sound and looked around, checking to see if his Mum heard.

“What,” Vic said, unapologetic. She never did care for his Mum’s opinion on that matter. “You’ve both moved on, there’s no reason not to be mates.”

“Have you talked to him since,” Aaron asked. He was pretty sure Robert wasn’t very happy with him at the moment.

“Just a few texts,” Vic answered. “I invited him over again this weekend but he said he had to go to Manchester.”

Aaron wasn’t totally pleased with that.

But he didn’t realize that he had an even bigger problem with Robert until he was finishing his Friday afternoon run. He was stretching his calves on the front steps of his apartment building, admiring the ample buttocks of the crew working on the nearby billboard, so it took him a minute to realize what the sign said that they had just installed.

For Sale.

Aaron's heart dropped. Robert was doing a runner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to wanda1969 for an idea ;)


	7. What Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert talk.

Robert didn’t return his calls or answer his texts. So Aaron called Vic to get his address, and she gave him both the one at Leeds and the old one at Manchester. It turned out that Robert lived in the same building as Emma and Todd, which Aaron thought he should have figured. He spent a quarter hour driving around the underground parking garage, trying to get into the fenced off area reserved for residents, and gained access by moving a couple of orange traffic cones. Robert’s Audi was still there, parked crookedly in its space, and when he looked in he saw a small overnight bag in the passenger seat. He parked, close to the front bumper, stood facing the elevator, leaned against his car door, and waited. He would have preferred to sit on the bonnet of the Audi, but that would have set off the alarm.

Rob didn’t notice until he was ten feet away, busy with his mobile.

“I thought all I had to do was call, and you’d come running,” Aaron said, and there was a little bit of hurt in his voice. He couldn’t help it.

***

Aaron always thought Robert a bit too posh to his liking, and so was pleasantly surprised at Robert’s flat. It was not particularly big, but spacious enough – sofa against the wall, coffee table in the middle of the living room, chaise at one side, one-seater on the other. There was a sliding door leading to a small balcony on the left, and on the right, in front of an open six-foot area, a floor to ceiling glass wall. Beyond that, a small dining table, kitchenette at the back. Aaron walked over to the glass, and found a great view of River Aire, city lights flickering on the other bank. 

“What do you think,” Robert seemed anxious, closing the door.

“It’s seriously classy,” Aaron teased him, their old private joke, getting a chuckle from Robert. “I really like the view,” Aaron said as he looked at the skyline.

“Yeah,” Robert said from behind him, “I love it.”

Aaron looked back at him, smiling at the double meaning. “Don’t be cheesy,” he said, and they had a laugh, maybe Rob sounding a bit strained.

Robert joined him by the window, standing close by his side. He was still in his work shirt, tie off and no coat, top open, and Aaron had to suppress a naughty thought about how he and Rob could really, really enjoy the view. Time enough for that, if it indeed comes to it.

“You didn’t answer my calls,” Aaron said, and there was a note of reproof in his voice.

“I’m sorry,” Robert said, “I wasn’t ignoring you. I forgot my phone at home today, came back to get it.” Robert pulled it out of his pocket, showed him the screen with the half-finished reply typed in.

Aaron bit his lip, smiled an apology. Robert smiled back, lopsided but not quite a smirk, eyebrow slightly raised. He had kept his hand in his pocket after putting the phone away, making his stance look arrogant, very much like old Robert, and Aaron found that he actually missed it. But this Robert’s eyes were soft, warm, exactly the way he remembered it – when they were by themselves – and he missed that more.

"You're doing a runner again," Aaron accused, and Robert didn't answer, although his entire body slumped. A haunted look veiled over Robert's eyes, as he gave a small shrug, as if in defeat.

“Tell me about Jake,” Aaron decided to shift the subject - somewhat - not really sure if he could handle listening to what Robert might say.

“Been together little more than two years,” Robert said, facing him with a determined look. “He’s a good friend.” He went on for a bit, drawing out the details, as they moved to the sofa. Aaron could hear that Rob was not filtering his words, not editing for content. “It was a good relationship,” Robert finished. Aaron thought that he liked Jake.

“I don’t get why you’d end it then,” Aaron said, leaning back against the arm of the sofa. “Why did you?”

Robert smiled, eyes reminiscing, “Well, my car got stolen, and I followed the tracker to a barn, and there was this bloke…”

“Rob,” Aaron interrupted, “don’t joke about this.”

“I’m not joking, Aaron,” Robert said, smile sadder now, eyes wetter. Aaron squeezed his lips together in a tiny smile.

"So are you gonna try to get back together?" Aaron asked.

Robert turned away, leaned on his knees, head down with a small sigh. 

***

“You know I had to leave the village when I was eighteen," Robert said. "I was so scared, being alone for the first time. I had no home.”

Aaron knew what it was like. Sleeping on the sidewalk. Being cold at night. Getting drawn into dodgy deals.

“Why did you leave?” Aaron asked, wondering why he did not know this, or did not remember. “You were still just a kid.”

“My dad sent me away,” Robert said. Aaron banished the first thought that crossed his mind.

“He sent you away… ” Aaron said, standing up, guilt building in his chest, “… like I did.” He walked back to the window and looked out, seeing both the city lights and his reflection, Rob coming up behind him.

“No, Aaron. That’s not what it was – both times.” Robert's voice was firm as he put a hand on Aaron's shoulder, urging him to turn around.

“How… how do you mean?”

“I’m the one. I’m the one to blame, Aaron,” Rob said, “I pushed everyone – hurt everyone – hurt you, so I had to leave! I made it so I can't stay.”

“I watched you drive away,” Aaron said, as the memory of Rob’s eyes saying goodbye flashed in his mind. “Where’d you go, Rob?”

“Don’t remember. I lost the plot for a while. You’re not the only one who has new scars.”

Robert untucked his shirt, hesitated, then lifted it up. There was a long, jagged scar on his right side, pink against Rob’s pale skin. Aaron reached out involuntarily and put his hand on it, traced the scar from the hip, up the side of his belly, curved to where it almost met a whitish scar, the bullet wound.

“Woke up in a hospital in Bristol, drove through a guard rail,” Robert answered his unspoken question. “Luckily my ribs didn’t break, or my insides would have been crushed. And I lost a kidney.” The skin quivered, and Aaron pulled his hand away.

Robert pulled the shirt back down, but Aaron could still see the scar through the cloth.

“You didn’t do this, Aaron. I did it to myself.” 

They’re not that different, after all. Aaron inflicted pain on himself, until it rebounded onto others. Robert inflicted pain on others, until it rebounded on himself.

Aaron sagged, feeling tired. He went back to the sofa, Robert beside him again.

“How'd you cope?” Aaron asked in a small voice.

“I learned to ask for help,” Rob answered, with a small smile.

“Vic?”

“No, my Mum. Diane, I mean,” Robert said. “She took care of me. Used to call her all the time. Less, now.”

Aaron looked at him in surprise. She sure kept that quiet.

"She hasn't told anyone, not even Vic," Robert said, reading his mind. "I asked her not to."

"I'd catch her staring at me, every so often," Aaron said, "asking how I am. She wasn't a pain in the arse about it... just a bit weird."

Robert looked at him in apology, and Aaron reassured him in the same way.

“You know what Diane always told me, when I was being daft,” Robert said. “She would say, ‘what would Aaron want’.”

“What would Jackson want,” Aaron whispered right back, thinking of Hazel, and her last advice. Robert looked at him, not understanding.

“That’s what Hazel would say to me.”

***

They talked all night. About their past together. Everything that went amiss, and there were many. Everything that went proper, and that was more difficult. For Aaron was older, wiser now. Rob was in love with him, there was no doubt about that. There was also no doubt about what Rob wanted from him. But it seemed to Aaron that the only thing they knew to do properly was to have sex. And was that really enough to build anything on?

***

Saturday morning, Aaron opened his eyes when Robert turned over and jostled the bed. He was laying flat on his back, and despite staying up real late talking, he felt well rested, relaxed. The bedroom was bright with the morning light coming in from the windows. Unlike some previous times, when waking up in an unfamiliar room would get him up straightaway, scrambling to leave, he was comfy, here in Rob’s bedroom. Aware of the body nearby without looking.

Like the first time he woke up in Chris’.

Aaron met Chris as a client – a one-time job to haul scrap. They had hit it off, but nothing really happened until a couple months later, when Aaron was staying overnight in Leeds, and he had gone to a bar for some drinks and saw Chris there. Their first encounter was fueled in part by alcohol, but memorable nonetheless. Aaron started volunteering to travel more often, especially near the area, much to Adam’s approval. He was drawn to Chris by the explosive sex they've been having since their first, and then by the love that came later. It was a good relationship - great even.

But then the cracks showed when Chris asked Aaron to move to Leeds, and Aaron did, but not into Chris' apartment. And that was before Robert came back into the picture. And now... Aaron wondered what Chris was doing, if Emma made true to her promise, if Chris had a bloke with him last night, maybe waking just now in Chris’ bed. He felt something in his chest at that thought, but really couldn’t tell what it was. Aaron wondered if Chris had any inkling where he was now, and what he was about to do.

Aaron closed his eyes, and his awareness of Rob’s nearness intensified. He rolled to his left to look at Rob, still asleep on the far side of the bed, left arm bent over his head, right arm reaching out towards him, but not touching. They were both fully clothed, Rob in his trousers and shirt still untucked. His shirt hem was riding up his torso, exposing a bit of hip and a hint of the red scar. Aaron resisted the urge to touch. But then he looked lower, at Rob’s half spreadeagled legs, at the shape of a thigh and slightly bent knee outlined by the close-fitting trousers, at the tenting at the crotch almost imperceptibly rising, and his right arm crept forward on its own volition. He stopped short when he realized Rob was looking at him.

“It’s nice to know you still see me like that.” Rob's soft smile turned mischievous, cock-sure, but there was no mocking in his sleep-raspy voice. Just pure elation. “I thought… ”

Aaron met Rob’s eyes squarely, unembarrassed.

“You thought what,” Aaron said, lifting his body off the bed, laying it on top of Rob’s, Rob arching to meet his full on. “You’re a sexy man, Robert. Of course I see you like that.”

They proceeded to do what they always did best.


	8. What They Do Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the title says ;)

“Okay, I admit it,” Aaron said in mock-serious tone, “I’m impressed.” He was lying flat on his back and staring at the ceiling, Rob lying by his side, propped up on his left elbow and looking down fondly with an ear-to-ear grin. 

Aaron smiled up at him, feeling the pleasant ache in his arse. Just like that time in the barn when Rob first impressed him – although he wouldn’t admit it back then – body wrapped around his back, cock fully and deeply buried inside him. Only Rob had the discipline to maintain the short, measured thrusts, pushing deep, never pulling too far out, keeping him constantly filled, in mind-blanking ecstasy, slow at first and then faster and harder and faster and harder until climax.

“You were alright, yourself,” the teasing voice told him that Rob was remembering that barn encounter as well. Rob sounded immensely satisfied with himself. It was a shade of old Rob, and Aaron didn’t mind at all. Aaron just looked at him, eyebrow raised.

“Oh, alright then,” Rob relented. “I was more than impressed, too, if you must know.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I almost forgot how good you are with your hands,” Rob’s breath hitched. “I completely lost control when you squeezed my bollocks right as I came.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you scream so loud,” Aaron chuckled, getting up. “It’s your turn now, mate,” he said, pushing Rob back and nudging his thighs.

“Mate… ” Rob said, “you’re already up for another round?” There was some complaint in his voice but all eagerness in his body, lifting up both legs to offer himself to Aaron, pulling in knees towards his scarred chest. Aaron didn’t think he’s seen anything more beautiful.

***

Aaron jumped from the bed at the insistent buzzing of his phone. He had to hunt around for it, finding it in the pocket of his jeans crumpled on the floor. It was Chris, wanting to see him, urgently. He arranged to meet posthaste at a café, talking more softly than he should, gathering his clothes, and keeping his face blank at Rob’s curious gaze, woken from their nap.

“What time is it?” Robert asked, still in his sleepy voice, sitting up and scooting back against the headboard.

“About one,” Aaron answered, checking his phone to make sure. He walked over, stood over Rob, leaned in for a kiss. Robert smiled against his lips, then disengaged, sliding down the bed, pulling him in by the waist, open mouth aiming for his cock.

“No time for that,” Aaron said, regretfully stepping back.

“Why,” Robert asked.

“Have to see Chris – that was him.”

“Alright,” Robert was showing his careful face. Aaron wanted to explain, but if he didn’t leave now, he wouldn’t have time to drop by his flat for a quick shower and a change of clothes. Chris said it was urgent, and he was feeling guilty. He didn’t want to cause him any more aggravation by being late. Or by showing up smelling like Robert.

“See you in a bit, then?” Aaron said, as he finished getting dressed in a hurry.

“See you in a bit.”

“Aaron,” Robert called him back as he was rushing out.

“This wasn’t a one-off, was it?” Rob asked, hopeful.

Aaron scrunched his face at the odd question. “No, mate. Of course not,” he replied, and left with a chuckle.

***

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Chris said in preamble, as Aaron pulled a chair to sit. “This is business.”

Chris was an architect, and his firm had a construction job at a country club near Oakwood that needed wooden beams hauled all the way from London. The idiots they had contracted with had bailed out at last minute, and the beams needed installing before any other work can be done.

“I could arrange for a pick up Monday,” Aaron said, making a note in his phone of the couple of scheduled movers he could convince Adam to reshuffle, checking his contact list for names he could call at short notice, let alone on a weekend. “They’ll have to be transported off-peak, what with the wide load, but I’m pretty sure we can get them delivered late Tuesday morning, maybe even earlier.”

They spent the next half hour working out the details. Aaron watched Chris, wondering how to broach the subject that was foremost in his mind. Chris seemed totally at ease. He kept brushing off loose strands of brown hair from his forehead, arm muscles flexing as he wrote notes on his pad. His shirt was a bit off-center, exposing the dip of his left collarbone. Aaron had buried his mouth enough times there. Chris noticed him looking, and Aaron saw the slight blush redden his hairline. Chris was waiting for his decision, but Aaron couldn’t quite gather the courage to tell him about Rob just yet. His memories of the night’s conversations have been fogged up by the morning’s sex, and he wasn’t sure what they settled. 

This meeting was about business, and so business it was.

“What’s so special about these beams?” Aaron asked.

“They’re decorative, wood salvaged from sunken ships,” Chris answered, sounding amused. They both rolled their eyes at the folly of the rich. When he looked again, Chris’ gentle brown eyes were right on his. They're beautiful, Aaron thought – chest churning with the guilt mixing in with his now uncertain feelings for Chris – just as Chris pushed back his chair and stood up.

“Good meeting,” Chris said, smiling, and walked away.

***

Back in his flat, Aaron spent a couple of hours on his laptop, with Adam and another contractor on the screen, working out logistics. Adam had initially groused about having to re-do next week’s schedule after having already worked it out Thursday – “and on a Saturday, no less!” – but became amiable enough when Aaron mentioned that this could turn into a long-term deal. After the contractor disconnected, they spent another half hour or so talking, Vic joining in and Lily, their five-year old, sitting on Adam’s lap. Vic remarked that he looked happy, and her knowing smile made him wonder if Rob had told her already. After that, Aaron went down to the downstairs deli for a sandwich, before spending more time phoning and e-mailing – promising football tickets to a mate if she could get permits approved first thing Monday morning.

It was half past eight when he finished, finally looking at his phone to see a couple of texts from Rob. He typed in a response.

\- Done, finally, you up for a late meeting ;)

\- You bet ;)

\- I’ll be there in 30

Aaron hopped in the shower again, spending extra time cleaning up, looking forward to enjoying the view from the glass wall in Rob’s flat.

***

It was a good thing that Aaron hasn’t completely grown out of his habit of putting on a robe before leaving the bath. Chris was sitting on his mattress dressed up in a suit, and it would have been totally awkward if Aaron had walked in starkers.

It was already awkward, as it was.

“What are you doing here?” Aaron blurted out in surprise, knowing as he spoke that it's the wrong thing to say.

Chris got up, a bit unsteady, stepped up to him. He was holding an open wine bottle, half empty. “That’s not the proper way to say ‘hi’ to your boyfriend,” Chris said. His eyes looked unfocused, until they locked with his own, and Aaron felt a wash of love and guilt at what he saw in their depths. He made Chris feel welcome, but also kept the kiss brief. 

“You’re drunk,” Aaron said. He took the bottle from Chris’ hand, put it on the dresser, strongly tempted to take a swig himself. “Please don’t tell me you drove here.”

“I took a taxi,” Chris said, and Aaron sighed in relief. “And I’m not that drunk. Escaped Em and Todd’s party.”

“Didn’t know they were having one.”

“You weren’t invited,” Chris said, but there was no bite in his words.

Chris stepped close, undid the belt of Aaron’s robe, slipped both hands underneath. Aaron couldn’t move, mind all in a jumble. “I’ve missed this, Aaron,” Chris said, as he knelt down and swallowed him. Chris' hands moved, familiar with his body, knowing where to touch. Aaron's body betrayed him, and it didn't help that he’s been holding a state of semi-arousal in the shower for Robert. His cock went full mast in Chris’ mouth.

There was a part of Aaron that resisted, wanting Robert instead, but the other part won out. He loved Chris, of course he did. Yes, he loved Robert, too - even more than he loved Chris. And that's why Chris could never hurt him the way Robert could.


	9. You Know How To Find Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The inevitable ending - it's a happy one, of course!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! Thanks to all for reading, the comments, and for putting up with my inexperience in organizing updates. I've learned a lot about how AO3 works, and posting of future fics (hopefully) will be a lot smoother.
> 
> Thanks all!

The periodic buzz of his phone would have alerted Aaron of the impending crisis, but having left it on the kitchen table where he worked earlier, he couldn’t properly hear it from the bedroom. Thus, it was the sound of a key opening his front door that made him realize he was about to face the consequences of all his recent decisions. He jumped up, quickly checking and noting that Chris was still passed out from their lovemaking earlier, scrambled to the dresser for clothes, then turned around to the sight of a shocked Robert, standing by the bedroom door.

Rob’s eyes watered and then tears flowed freely, but he did not say anything. For a moment he just looked at Chris, sprawled face down on the mattress, then at him pulling on jeans in a hurry. Rob turned around and walked out.

Aaron caught up with him just as Rob was exiting the building.

“I’m so sorry, Rob! I wasn’t thinking!” Aaron pleaded, “I really wish you didn’t see that.” In his panic, Aaron did not care for the passersby, watching them in curiosity – Robert with wet eyes and Aaron with his top off, the scars on his chest visible for all to see. 

Robert was surprisingly calm.

“I thought I could handle it, Aaron,” Rob said. “You doing to me what I did it to you, before. I thought I wouldn’t mind it.”

Aaron just stared at him in desperation, trying to understand what he was saying.

“But I can’t, Aaron,” Rob said. “I can’t share you. I want you – I need you – all to myself!”

“Rob,” Aaron started to say, finally admitting to himself what Robert really meant to him. Robert was the reason why he stayed at the village and waited for so long, why he always had a foot out the door with every single relationship he had. Why even Chris, who had come close, really had no chance the moment Robert stepped back into his life.

But he was interrupted by an angry Chris, woken up from his sleep when Aaron desperately called Robert’s name.

***

“I don’t know why I fell for Robert,” Aaron had said to Hazel, during one of their talks, lying side-by-side on the van roof and staring at the stars above, a long time ago it seemed. “Maybe it was just the sex.”

“That's the way it is with men, gay or otherwise,” Hazel had said and he agreed, although neither of them really believed it.

Under the desert night sky, Aaron found many reasons. But in the end he decided that it didn’t really matter why or how – what mattered was that he did fall in love, harder than he thought possible. And falling in love meant giving someone a hammer to beat you up with, as Hazel had put it.

“You just hope they don’t,” Hazel had said. “And sometimes, even if they do, you still want to stay.”

Aaron had given Robert a hammer, and Robert ended up beating him to a bloody pulp with it. Not literally, but he might as well have.

It was too bad that he was too thick and stubborn to realize that he had the same power over Robert.

***

At least Chris didn’t cancel the deal, and Aaron was thankful for that. He decided to manage the transport himself, driving to the London docks early Monday, watching the wooden beams get loaded and secured on the semi, signing for the paperwork, following the cargo truck late through the night with the hazard beacons flashing on top of his car. They managed to deliver them to the construction site early Tuesday morning as he promised, but it was Chris' assistant who signed the delivery manifest.

Later that week, he managed to have a civil enough conversation with Chris, although it started with Chris throwing at him the few belongings Aaron had left in his flat, telling him that he had no right to make him a placeholder. Chris tried to hurt and humiliate him much as he could, but he wasn’t Robert, and Aaron could endure the insults. For his part, Aaron didn’t want to hurt Chris more than he already did. And so for Chris’ sake he explained as well as he could, asked for understanding if not forgiveness. 

It was Rob that pulled him through. 

Aaron thought he lost Robert – again – when Chris broke his momentum that night, making him self-conscious at having to sort out his problems in public, preventing him from telling Robert that which he needed to say.

“I have to go, Aaron,” Robert said, and the sight of him walking away started to get Aaron undone. The world went dark, and it didn't matter that Chris was yelling, people were staring. He was getting irreparably broken. He tried one more time to explain, but he can only call Rob's name with all the yearning he held all these years.

But Robert heard him. He turned around, their eyes connected and saw deep into each other's soul and finally, finally, after all these years, they came to an understanding.

“You know how to find me.”

Aaron did not hear the words but understood what was said. 

***

It was late afternoon when Aaron pulled in the parking lot behind the Woolpack. Earlier that day, Aaron went to the apartment leasing office, signed the paperwork, and turned in the keys to his flat. Aaron had lingered at Leeds for a while, driven by guilt over the heartbreak that he gave Chris. He had caused enough damage to enough people already, and the memory of his previous broken relationships had made him want to try and make sure Chris was going to be fine. But Chris was also made of strong stuff, and he had the support of loyal friends. And he was a gracious enough person that he managed a tight-lipped smile when Aaron said goodbye.

Aaron grabbed his backpack from the pile of luggage at the backseat, deciding to just bring in the rest tomorrow. His Mum was watching telly when he came in, and she was very happy to greet him, saying his room was all ready upstairs.

“I just need to take care of something, yeah?” Aaron said, putting down the bag. He looked in the fridge, and grabbed three cans of beer. His Mum smiled in understanding.

Robert was waiting for him by Jackson’s grave.

“Took you long enough,” Rob smiled in greeting.

“Sorry, bad traffic," Aaron said. "Were you waiting long?” he asked, handing him an opened can and getting a short kiss in return.

“No,” Rob answered, “had some visiting to do myself.” Rob nodded in the direction of Jack’s – his father’s grave.

Aaron took a deep breath, Rob watching him. He opened the third can, poured it over the grass, and put the empty can on the headstone. He lowered his hand to his side, and Rob slid his in to hold it. “I miss you, mate,” Aaron said, as Rob squeezed his hand. “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine now.”

“More than fine,” he added, looking at Robert by his side.

***

They walked back to the village in silence, holding hands. It was getting to be dusk, but still a warm day in July, crickets chirping, lights flickering on in the cottages. They passed familiar faces, smiling or nodding at them in greeting. 

It was good to be home.

“I was thinking,” Robert said, as they reached the Woolpack, “since Rakesh is selling Mill Cottage, that maybe we could split it, give him an offer he can’t refuse?”

“And here I reckoned you're rich,” Aaron teased, “and now you’re telling me you can’t afford to buy me a house?”

“You know I would if you’d let me,” Rob answered, pulled him in by the waist. “But you’re right. We’re partners in this. Equals.”

“So you’re saying you’re in this for the long haul,” Aaron said, eyes dancing, leaning in for a kiss. It was long and lingering, lacking in urgency, but they were still breathless afterwards.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

***

The End.


End file.
